We are about to start our 2nd embryo transfer!!! I can't believe it is actually happening again. My feelings this time around are so different than last time. This time I am MUCH calmer but also way more terrified than I was last time. I know what to expect, but I am terrified of not getting a positive result. This is something I have been dealing with since my surgery and finding out that I should be ready to transfer in April, I immediately started to feel like I need to protect my heart. I swear, I never want to look at a pregnancy test again, I am terrified, but I am working on it and I have found a few things that seem to be helping.
I have been working out more, I just use a small elliptical that I have at home, I try to get on it every morning when I wake up. This is helping me feel better and positive about myself and I plan to continue through my protocol.
I am meditating. I purchased the Circle & Bloom meditation for Frozen Embryo Transfers. It is really helping me relax and mentally picture and prepare myself for what my body is doing and is about to do. It often puts me right to sleep or really close to it. I feel myself just being more calm. I have also been saying more affirmations to myself, something along the lines of "I deserve this, I deserve to be a mother and it will happen in some way" and I seem to be accepting this more this time around, Im not sure why, but I like how it is making me feel. I have an inner-peace about it. I don't feel as anxious that it HAS to happen right now... even though I still want it to with my whole heart and soul, I just feel different about it now. I am also listening to a "chant" that a Yogi gave me to Kali, the Buddhist goddess of time while doing some fertility yoga poses (mostly keeping my legs up in the air). Im not sure how much these elements will actually help my physically, but they are definitely helping me mentally.
I started to see a chiropractor, she works with infertility, pregnant women, infants and children. She is great, she is sweet and has a great energy about her. She explained to me that seeing her will not increase any odds per se, but it does help your organs function at their best. Interesting enough all the vertebrates that seem to be "out of line" were all related to my pelvic region... so who knows. I see her once a week for adjustments and I am feeling great.
I am still seeing my acupuncturist 2 times a week as well.
This protocol is going to be much different than last time. Starting with beginning estrogen for an extra week. Yesterday I began with 2 estrogen patches (changed every other day), estrogen vaginal inserts 2 times a day and a steroid. On April 14th, I will be having an Intralipid Infusion, a home health nurse will be coming to my home and giving me the infusion. Then a blood thinner injection (Lovenox), Progesterone shots and vaginal inserts will be added in to the protocol as we approach April 23rd.
Chris and I decided to organize the meds much different this time around, since last time I was a mess and couldn't remember what I had taken, when I changed the patches and he couldn't either! I couldn't believe how much the hormones effected me mentally, so this time we wanted to be better prepared. We decided to use ziplock bags. We put everything I need to take for the day in the bag- AM/PM and then in a large bag labeled with the day. It took us awhile but I really think it will be worth it. Also just having him be involved from the beginning helps take the pressure off of me and he will be able to help me stay on it if my brain starts to get mushy again!!
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