Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Not so ready....

Well we are on another rollercoaster ride.  Today was supposed to be the beginning of phase 2 of the protocol.  I should be starting the Lovenox and PIO tonight, but things didnt go as planned.  It seems that my lining has gotten thinner instead of getting thicker.  Last appointment it showed that I had a 13mm lining, this time I was down to an 8.  We are not sure what happened.  We talked with our Dr and it seems that all the hormones are the same and in a good range, but the lining has gotten thinner.  We decided to wait and see what happens over the next 48 hours.  Maybe the lining will get thicker... but we are not sure at this point.  So either way my transfer is delayed and now possibly going to be cancelled. Im a mess to be completely honest. I just feel defeated, like I can never be prepared emotionally and now I am not sure what my body is doing.  Its hard to feel so "ready" and positive when my body just isn't responding the way that it should.. what does this mean.... is this a sytmptom or a sign of yet another fertility problem?  Is my body able to do this? I am at a lost right now... I know the best thing is to wait for everything to be perfect and for my Doctor to feel that we are at the best place physically.. but it is hard to know if that point is ever going to come.. will I ever be ready? I want to be strong and positive, but right now especially with all these hormones its difficult to feel that way.  I fell weak and sad.  I have a long 48 hours ahead of me of researching and trying to see what I would like to do if my lining does thicken.. is that ok? Is it still a good idea to transfer.. I am not sure at this point.  Will the extra estrogen help or is it too much for my body.  Is this what happened last time? So many thoughts going through my head. 

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