I'm hoping it's all a sign that things are meant to be and move along at this pace. I am just trying to breathe and "Trust the Timing of My Life"... these are words that I try very hard to live by when I am feeling impatient. I used to say them to myself every morning before I met Chris. It felt like it was a million years that I waited to be loved, but thank God that I did and my path led me to him.
Last night, Chris and I set out all the financial paper work from our clinic and discussed the pros and cons to each of our choices. We decided to go with a 1 cycle plan and pay for additional genetic testing... this testing will help the doctors choose the best embryos to put inside me. I have researched this a lot and it seems very much worth the extra money. I have read women talk about their experiences of having 8 embryos and then do testing only to find out 3 would have had a chance to become a live birth... thats a big difference, that could have been 5 miscarriages! Besides the time and money that would be saved, I couldn't imagine loosing that many babies, I am not sure I am strong enough for that.
My doctor is calling in my medicine and trying to help me find the cheapest pharmacy, since our insurance does not cover anything. It literally blows my mind that in this day and age a huge cooperation such as The Home Depot, doesn't cover IVF or any infertility treatments... there are many companies out there that do. I have heard that Starbucks covers it and I have seriously considered applying and working there 20 hours a week, but I figure the stress of adding more to my plate would only counteract things!!
On a whole other note, I read this article yesterday and thought I would share it here. It really goes to show that infertility affects all types of women and it gives some great advice on just listening to friends or family members that are experiencing this...
The author, a fellow woman living through infertility treatments writes "This journey has humbled me beyond anything...When in the past I might have immediately offered advice to "fix" the problem, I now understand the true gift of listening. No well meaning suggestions, no judgement. Just listen."
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/nikki-bergen/ending-infertility-shame_a_22583474/
This is what I was talking about the other day, its normal to feel like you want to give advice and help "fix" the problem, but when it comes to this particular situation, nobody knows what it's like unless you have been through it, so telling me some fantasy story that you have heard like "Oh I hear when you stop trying it happens, or I'm sure as soon as you adopt you''ll get pregnant"... its not helpful. TRUST ME... I have read and researched millions of stories, some positive and happy and some heart-breaking and the truth is I don't know and you certainly don't know which way my story is going to go... so please don't fill my mind with a fantasy, because I want to believe it to, but I also need to be realistic and listen to my doctor.
Plus, when you say things like this, it makes me feel like you do not understand or respect the decisions that I am making, and that hurts because I have put so much time, stress and tears into my decisions. I'm trying to do what is best for Chris and I, what will make us happy, what we are comfortable with, because in the end we are what matters and all we want is our families to love and support us.
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